Archive for the ‘Stress’ Category

Relationships are a central factor in all of our lives. They give life meaning and purpose. To be loved by another person is an essential need and want. Webster’s New World College Dictionary defines relationship in the following ways:

1. The quality or state of being related; connection

2. Connection by blood, marriage, etc; kinship

3. A particular instance of being related

4. A continued attachment or association between person, firms, etc.; specifically one between lovers.

For the purpose of this post, I am going to focus on the last definition. A continued attachment or association between person, firms, etc. Yes, relationships are an essential part of our lives. During your teen years and early 20′s you will have relationships with a lot of people. They will include friendships as well as dating relationships. A healthy relationship features mutual respect, trust, honesty, equality, good communication, and they make us feel good about ourselves. In a healthy relationship each partner helps the other to become “the best they can be”. They don’t try to change, fix or control the other. There is mutual respect on all fronts and a balance of oneness (closeness) and separation from each other. Above all else personal growth, change and exploration is encouraged. A healthy relationship involves give and take at all times. Many teens and young adults may find themselves in healthy relationships and continue to make plans for their future together. That is awesome. I have been married for 26 years to my husband. It has been quite a journey.

So what are some of the factors to distinguish between a healthy and unhealthy relationship? A real easy measurement is that in an unhealthy relationship you feel the exact opposite of how you feel in a healthy relationship. There is not mutual trust, respect, or open communication. There is not “room to grow” or the person wants to try to change you into something you are not. If you are experiencing any type of abuse or violence such as verbal, physical, emotional or sexual that is an unhealthy relationship! This can involve both people being violent or abusive towards each other or can involve only one person doing this to the other. Many times a relationship is not abusive in the beginning but over time abusive behavior might show. Usually the abuser will have an excuse and swear that it will never happen again. The abuse usually continues to happen despite promises and can intensify in both the abuse itself and it’s frequency. 

Common warning signs of an Abusive or Unhealthy Relationship (RED FLAGS) include:

* becomes jealous or possessive of you- gets angry when you talk or hang out with other friends or people of the opposite sex

* bosses you around, makes all the decisions, tells you what to do.

* tells you what to wear, who to talk to , where you can go

*is violent to other people, gets in fights a lot, loses his/her temper a lot.

*pressures you to have sex or to do something sexual that you don’t want to do.

*blames you for his or her problems, tells you that it is your fault that he or she hurt you.

*insults you or tries to embarrass you in front of other people

*has physically hurt you

*make you feel scared of their reactions to things.

*calls or texts all the time and wants to always know where you are going and who you are with.

If you have experienced any of these signs in your dating relationship please heed this advice. YOU NEED TO END THE RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS PERSON! Talk to a trusted adult such as: a parent, teacher, doctor, nurse, close friends,pastor, or professional counselor about the reality of the relationship. Have a strong support system in place. If the first person you talk to does not take your situation seriously, keep trying until you find someone who will listen to you. 

Unhealthy relationship are toxic. They will continue to get worse over time. Even though the person promises to change, statistics show that most don’t. Please read again the characteristics of a healthy relationship. You deserve the best. 

Until Next Time,

Lory

     Emergency services are a vital part of any community. Some communities have paid personnel for fire and ambulance protection but for most smaller towns (like Shippensburg, PA) most work other “paid” jobs and volunteer their time for those in need. The amount of time they commit to their companies is huge. Not only are they there for the communities time of need (emergencies) they are constantly involved in training exercises, and fundraising to raise the necessary funds to continue to do what they do. These men and women in our communities are Extraordinary! When asked why they do what they do some will state, ” Its just in my blood to help others” or ” I can’t imagine not volunteering and running calls, I like helping others in their time of need”. Credit needs to be given to these saints as well as the younger people in our communities that are becoming involved in these volunteer organizations. 

     I had the privilege this week to give a presentation to my local EMS (Emergency Medical Services) on dealing with stress within the emergency services profession. Not only do these saints deal with everyday stress like everyone else they are also subject to additional stressors and triggers, if you will, in responding to calls on a daily basis. They unlike most in the community are witness to life’s tragedies firsthand. Sometimes they are the last person to interact with a victim before they die, other times they are the one keeping the victim alive, and still others they are the ones that act quickly in life saving measures to enable the victim to live. 

     Working in this environment can and often does take it’s toll. 20 to 30 years ago, those who became upset over a “bad call” were told to deal with it, man-up, its part of the job-get used to it, etc. Many of those in the EMS services at that time tried those strategies and continued to wonder what was going on with them because they couldn’t just “deal with it”. Stress in the EMS service and all Emergencies services can be classified into three specific categories.

Critical Incident Stress: Occurs when you experience an unusual or extreme emotional reaction after exposure to an event that is overwhelming to you. This is subjective based on each individual’s life experience and belief system. What is overwhelming to one person may not be overwhelming to another person.

Delayed Stress:  In some cases stress reactions to an overwhelming event do not occur until days, weeks, months or even years later. The reactions are just as debilitating and impacting as a recent event. Delayed stress can occur when people go into shock after an event, refuse to acknowledge the impact of the event, or when exposure to an event is prolonged. This type of stress can also be referred to as PTSD.

Cumulative Stress: Is the most common and can be the most damaging. It occurs when a person’s normal coping mechanism are continuously overwhelmed. It can also occur when you don’t build in daily self care activities that are regenerative and stress reducing. Cumulative stress reactions are very debilitating. People begin to believe that frequent headaches, acid stomach, irritability, poor concentration, are normal. This produces further stress which can lead to serious physical and emotional illnesses. 

All three of the above mentioned types of stress can manifest themselves into a clinical mental health diagnosis. Becoming aware of the signs of stress (emotionally, cognitively, and behaviorally) can help in identifying the triggers and reduce recovery time. It is important to note that after developing any of these types of symptoms, it can be especially helpful to talk to a professional counselor. 

Emotional Stress will appear in the following ways: Denial, Fear, Depression, Grief, Anger, Worry, Uncertainty, Hopelessness, Helplessness, Feeling lost, Wishing to Hide, Anxiety, Panic, and Inappropriate Emotions.

Cognitive Signs and Symptoms: Difficulty Making Decisions, Confusion, Difficulty Naming Familiar Items, Poor Concentration, Blaming Others, Memory Problems, and Replaying Events Over and Over. 

Behavioral Signs of Stress: Withdrawal, Suspiciousness, Excessive Humor or Silence, Increased Smoking, Alcohol or Food, Change in Activity Level, Angry Outbursts, and Crying Spells. 

Stress management skills make it easier for your body, mind and emotions to return to normal more quickly after a stressful event. Stress management skills include: Developing a balanced lifestyle, Daily relaxation routines, Developing a Positive Mental Attitude, Balancing life’s activities so not to become stressed, and working for a lifestyle of Peak Performance.

     Being an emergency responder is rewarding work, but as with most stressful professions or volunteer services the demands can lead to abnormal levels of stress. Thank you for your services. Please don’t be afraid to ask for additional professional help if you can identify with many of the symptoms listed above. Some companies have funds set aside to help with the costs of mental health counseling for support. 

Until Next Time,

Lory