Archive for the ‘Depression’ Category

          Wow!!! Its been a while since I have posted on this blog. Winter has come and gone and now in my “part of the woods”, it is officially spring! Spring is a time of renewal and growth. The spring flowers are beginning to show signs of growth and blossoms for another season. The property I live on is surrounded by woods that continue to be overgrown with “brush and briers”, meaning all sorts of wild growing vines such as raspberries, wild rose, honeysuckle, poison ivy, etc. Once they start their new growth most of our woods become unusable. For the past several years, my husband and I have talked about this dilemma and have done some research into some alternatives for clearing out the woods. In our research we came across the idea of using some type of livestock animals to help. In narrowing the search down even further we decided that goats would be the best and most efficient alternative in helping to clear them out. 

     There are many different species of goats but all require about the same type of care and shelter. We then decided that pygmy goats were the type of goats that we wanted to best suit our situation. They remain smaller so the fencing requirements were different than other types of “full size” goats. They also seemed easier to manage and for many people they become another pet in their family. So after much preparation in getting the area ready for our goats (fencing, housing, feeding supplies, etc) we were finally ready to acquire the goats themselves. Late winter and early spring is a time when many goats give birth to their kids. We purchased two male  baby goats in early March, however, they will not be ready to bring to their forever home until late April or early May due to their ages. In the meantime since we thought we were prepared we also purchased 2 young female goats from another place in which the conditions were horrible and were trying to give them a much better and healthier environment.

      So – our goat adventure had begun. Well as it turns out goats are very sensitive to any change in their diet, environment, and any other stress. The most common ways that goats react to any stress is by developing scours (diarrhea). From the time we brought them to their new house, the one had started to show much major distress. She was coughing on the way home (not good) and had the scours. In all our attempts to help her she ended up dying several days later. The other young doe, who had no scours for the first several days then developed them as well. In doing more and more research about how to stop this awful condition it became more and more apparent how serious this condition in a goat can be. Dehydration is the culprit for many young goat deaths. You see when goats become stressed, they stop eating and drinking fluids. Due to their very small size they quickly become dehydrated and it becomes life threatening. The stress and changes that our new “kid” has been under is tremendous. She was bought from a place that raised large amount of livestock to sell and profit from, her living conditions were very crowded and she had never been outside. There was no socialization with humans, she was never held or handled in a gentle way. We bring her to a new home in which she is picked up and held by humans, is now alone without other goats, her diet had been completely changed,and the weather outside has been colder and more wet than normal for this time of year. Is she stressed? Yes, in many different ways so the onset of the diarrhea is completely understandable.

      We now have her stabilized and her scours are improving every day as is her demeanor. She loves being held and cuddled. She is receiving a healthy diet and very clean living conditions. She has room to roam and play. So what does this goat have to do with a mental health blog? You see people respond in very similar ways to stress and changes but don’t recognize it as such.

     Many people are feeling the effects of stress on their lives. Stress is the result of changes that we can’t control such as a loss of job, financial difficulties, family problems, change in living conditions, grief and loss issues, the list goes on and on. As a result of the stress people react in many different ways. A change in eating habits (some eating more and some eating less or none at all), using and abusing alcohol or other drugs, change in sleep patterns, changes in their moods, and changes in their digestive systems. Most people under stress will give a history of irritable bowel syndrome, in women it can be changes in their menstrual cycles, as well as many other physical symptoms such as aches and pains. 

      Just as the first step in helping to get our new little kid adjusted to her new environment was to recognize the signs for what they were. There had been an enormous amount of changes in her life in a very short period of time. We needed to stop and take those all into account. So when you are feeling the effects of stress in your life by any of the above mentioned symptoms – STOP and evaluate what all has been going on in your life. Is this something that you have control over or is it completely out of your control? If it out of your control there are things that you can do to help yourself better deal with the pressure and stress. 

      Check your diet and try to eat regular healthy meals. Stop eating junk food and if you don’t have an appetite, try to eat small servings of healthy soups or meal replacement supplements. 

      Get regular exercise. Study after study has shown that any type of exercise helps to reduce the “bad” hormones such as coritsol and increase the good ones, dopimine.

      Take a daily vitaman.

      Practice some type of meditation, such as reading the Bible and prayer, listening to soothing meditative music, or doing yoga. 

      Be more gentle with yourself. Realize the stressors in your life and do the best you can. Some days are going to be better than others but give yourself daily praise and work on getting your life in balance so that external stressors don’t have quite the impact on your internal organs as they once did.

     If you continue to struggle, make an appointment with a mental health professional. Talk therapy is very effective in helping you to learn to cope. 

      Until Next Time,    Lory

Lory Naugle, MS, NCC, DCC is a professional counselor in private practice in Shippensburg, PA. She provides counseling in her office as well as by distance means such as Skype, telephone, and email. To contact Lory for an appointment please call (717) 729-3895. She is here to help you lead a happy and healthy life.

The holiday season is now behind us and in the Northeast part of the United States we are in the middle of the winter season. The days are shorter, its cold outside, and sometimes the sun doesn’t shine for days on end. For many this is a season that brings with it many unwanted symptoms: sleeping longer, feeling tired, anxiety or sadness, losing interest in activities you usually enjoy, craving carbohydrates and weight gain.

These symptoms are not imaginary, they are real and what you are suffering from is a mental health diagnosis termed: Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD. Approximately 4-6% of Americans suffer from this each winter and as many as 20% of the population present with some symptoms but fall outside a strict diagnosis. 

SAD is generally defined as a set of symptoms which are related to sunlight levels and the seasonal variation of that light. These symptoms may be present to a greater or lesser degree in people who have the condition. A diagnosis of SAD is usually based on 3 consecutive winters of the same symptoms. The symptoms include:

• depression
• sleep problems (too much or too little)
• lethargy
• overeating
• loss of concentration
• social problems
• anxiety
• loss of libido
• mood problems

Short of moving south or to the tropics there are several ways to reduce your symptoms that have proven to be effective.

Light Therapy:

I always say to my friends that I run on solar energy. When the sun is out bright for several days, my moods are more positive and I have energy to do so many things. That is because our skin and eyes both respond to light. Skin makes vitamin D when exposed to ultraviolet rays in sunlight.  The retinas, the tissue in the back of our eyes, have receptors that process not only how much light we see, but also what wavelength (or color) the light is. These receptors affect hormones that help our brain set a sleeping and waking cycle.

There are many full-spectrum lights that you can currently purchase through the internet. Some are in the form of a single light that you “expose” your face to for a set peiod of time each day. Others are in the form of a bulb that you can use instead of a standard light bulb in a light fixture. Personally, I have several of these bulbs in my kitchen. Since the kitchen is the area where I spend a good bit of time in early mornings, I can benefit from the light exposure and help to get my day started off right. It has been proven that 15 to 30 minutes daily of full-spectrum lighting can have a significant improvement on your symptoms.

Vitamin Supplements:

Specifically Vitamin D is also recommended. Daily winter dosages can range from 2,000 IU to 4,000 IU depending on the person.From the reports I’ve been reading, people who take Vitamin D are saying that they have an increased sense of well-being, improved sleep patterns and even weight loss. These are all things I find are disrupted when you have SAD so if taking Vitamin D can help resolve these issues, I think that’s awesome.

Regular Exercise:

It has been proven that regular exercise, especially in bright light can help lessen the symptoms of SAD. Whether you get this exercise from joining a gym, walking in a mall,or exercising at home, when it is too cold outside make sure you are in a well lite area. Most gyms and stores use bright lights, they understand the benefit to their customers. If you are exercising at home turn on the overhead lights in the room or exercise near a window that lets in plenty of sunlight.

There are still some shorter days left, but the hours of sunlight are slowly increasing again. If you or someone you know has symptoms of SAD, treating it can make these days seem brighter and may even make it possible to enjoy the rest of winter.

Until Next Time,

Lory

Lory Naugle, MS, NCC, DCC maintains a private practice counseling office in Shippensburg, PA. She specializes in depression, anxiety, ADHD, and other mood disorders in children through adults. She offers counseling in her office and by distance means such as secure email, chat and Skype. Please visit the rest of the web site for more information.

     It’s hard to believe but the holiday season is once again upon us. It is to be “The Most Happiest Time of the Year”, but for many if not most people it can be the most stressful time of the year! If the past holiday seasons have taken their emotional toll on you here are some tips to help stop or reduce those feelings this year.

      ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FEELINGS- If someone close to you has recently died or can’t be with loved ones, realize that it’s normal to feel sadness and grief. It’s OK to take time to cry or express your feelings. You can’t force yourself to be happy just because it’s the holiday season.

      REACH OUT- If you feel lonely or isolated, seek out community, religious or other social events. They can offer support and companionship. Volunteering your time to help others also is a good way to lift your spirits and broaden your friendships.

      BE REALISTIC- The holidays don’t have to be perfect or just like last year. As families change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well. Choose a few to hold onto, and be open to creating new ones. For example, if your adult children can’t come to your house, find new ways to celebrate together, such as using social media to share pictures, chat, and even Skype each other during the holiday season. 

     SET ASIDE DIFFERENCES- Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don’t live up to all your expectations. Set aside grievances until a more appropriate time for discussion. And be understanding if others get upset or distressed when something goes awry. Chances are they’re feeling the effects of holiday stress and depression too.

     STICK TO A BUDGET- Before you go gift and food shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend. Then stick to your budget! Don’t try to buy happiness with an avalanche of gifts. Try these alternatives: Donate to a charity in someone’s name, give homemade gifts, or gifts from second hand stores or start a family gift exchange. My girlfriend and I started this several years ago giving a certain amount of money (that we usually spent on each other) to a specific cause over the holiday season. One was a family that had just lost their mother and needed help paying for the funeral expenses. 

     PLAN AHEAD- Set aside specific days for shopping, baking, visiting friends and other activities. Plan your menus and then make your shopping list. That’ll help prevent last-minute scrambling to buy forgotten ingredients. And make sure to line up help for party prep and cleanup.

     LEARN TO SAY NO- Saying yes when you should say no can leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed. Friends and colleagues will understand if you can’t participate in every project or activity. If it’s not possible to say no when your boss asks you to work overtime, try to remove something else from your agenda to make up for the lost time.

     DON’T ABANDON HEALTHY HABITS- Don’t let the holidays become a free for all. Overindulgence only adds to your stress and guilt. Have a healthy snack before holiday parties so that you don’t go overboard on sweets, cheese or drinks. Continue to get plenty of sleep and physical activity.

     TAKE A BREATHER- Make some time for yourself. Spending just 15 minutes alone, without distractions, may refresh you enough to handle everything you need to do. Take a walk at night and stargaze. Listen to soothing music. Find something that reduces stress by clearing your mind, slowing your breathing and restoring inner calm.

     SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP IF YOU NEED IT – Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, plagued by physical complaints, unable to sleep, irritable and hopeless, and unable to face routine chores. If these feelings last for a while, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional. 

      Don’t let the holidays become something you dread. Instead, take steps to prevent the stress and depression that can descend during the season. With a little planning and some positive thinking, you may find that you enjoy the holidays this year more than you thought you could. 

Wishing you a stress free and fun holiday season!!

Lory

Lory Naugle, MS, NCC, DCC is in private practice in Shippensburg, PA. She provides counseling in her office and by distance methods such as secure email, chat, and by Skype. Lory specializes in Anxiety, Depression, ADHD, Adjustment Disorders, and Drug and Alcohol Abuse and Dependency.

     Suicide has once again been getting a lot of media attention after the suicide of the Rutgers University college student. It must be especially hard for his friends and family at this difficult time to hear the incident replayed over and over again. My heart goes out to them.

     I feel addressing this issue again is important. If all the media attention in regards to this subject can spare another person’s life then there is meaning behind it. I previously have writtten about suicide and the elderly and I feel that I now need to address the subject of suicide among college students. Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death among college students than all medical illnesses combined. As a semester continues along, students are under a lot of pressure.

     Gregg Easterbrook presents some interesting statistics in his latest blog.  He states that in 2007, there were about 42 million Americans aged 15-24. The self-inflicted death rate for this group was about one in 10,300. That is  roughly 4,000 suicides that year by those of teens to college age. As you can see this is an issue that needs to continue to be addressed.

     It is essential to understand that each student’s reactions and feelings are very important and to try to provide each of them the support that is needed. If you are a teenager or college student and have any friends that are having difficulties, please guide that person to someone who can help them, such as a school counselor, a counselor on campus in the counseling department, a mental health therapist in your area, or a trusted adult. It is important to understand that suicide can be impulsive and difficult to predict, however, there are things that can be done to prevent tragedies from occurring. It is important to have a dialogue and allow those having difficulty express their feelings openly. It is helpful to reach out to others. Listed below are some signs and symptoms of suicide. If you recognize these signs and symptoms in others or in yourself, please seek help immediately.

Signs:

• Morbid or depressing themes in written assignments
• Preoccupation with death
• Stating that life is not worth living
• Abrupt changes in behavior, mood, or appearance
• Sudden distancing from other students, friends, or adults
• Excessive absences in school or in classes
• Loss of initiative
• Has a plan or the means to hurt themselves

Symptoms:

• Low Energy
• Drug or Alcohol problems
• Flat affect or absence of feeling expression
• Loss of appetite
• Change in sleep patterns
• Severe depression
• Crying spells
• Hopelessness or helplessness
• Increase in life stressors (e.g., loss of a loved one or job, moving)
• Sense of immobilization
• Low self-esteem
• Feelings of guilt or remorse
• Isolation or withdrawal from others
• Giving away possessions or making amends in relationships
• Overt talk of death or suicide
• Pursuit of dangerous activities

If someone does talk about feeling suicidal or seems to be thinking about it, take him or her seriously. Do whatever it takes to get them the help they need- You may be saving a life!

Until Next Time,

Lory

Lory Naugle, MS, NCC, DCC  offers Professional Counseling in her office and online. She specializes in anxiety disorders, depression, ADHD, grief and loss, drug and alcohol treatment, and PTSD.

” The only thing constant is change”, I have heard this statement my whole life. When I was younger change was exciting and new. Graduating from high school, going to college, making new friends, graduating from college, getting my first full time job, getting married, buying a house, having children, and the list goes on and on. Yes, all those changes were scary but somehow the excitement overshadowed the anxiety.

As I have become older, this statement still holds true, but now it seems that I would be more comfortable and less anxious with things not changing for a while. But major work and life changes are common: Laid off from your job, retirement, relocations, divorce, children graduating from high school, increased responsibilities, loss of loved ones, and other numerous events. 

Whether these changes are welcome or unwelcome, all can be extremely stressful unless we learn how to adjust to them. Taking the time to recover, refocus and regenerate following life changes can help us survive and even thrive.

RECOVER - After a life change you need to regain your sense of balance and routine. You situation may be, at least for now, stressful, challenging, or unfamiliar. You may have symptoms such as headaches, backaches, or depression. To begin your recovery, it will help to step back from your new situation. Plan mini breaks like going to the movies, taking a drive to local attractions, planning a weekend away, or just taking time for yourself. These “distractions” can help you get distance and perspective. Exercise and sharing your feelings with others are excellent stress reducers which can help you get back on track.

REFOCUS – If you are able to look at “the big picture”, you will gain greater peace of mind about the change. If you have been recently laid off from your job now may be the time to accomplish some of those things around the house, take some leisure time going fishing and spending extra time with your kids and family. You may also take the time to learn new skills, reconnect with friends, or spend more time networking with others. Take the time to think about what has happened, why, and what it might mean. You will realize that your feelings are mixed. With time, those feelings will change. Talking to trusted friends, family members, clergy, or a professional counselor may speed the process.

REGENERATE – All change is stressful for your body and your body needs time to heal. Get extra rest, avoid alcohol and cigarettes, and eat properly. Try to increase your circle of support, connect with new people or reinforce old friendships. Social media including Facebook is an excellent way to do this.

No one can escape change. Accepting the fact that change has taken place is important. When you take steps to recover, refocus and regenerate, you will find acceptance easier. These steps will help you successfully make the change part of your life. 

Until Next Time,

Lory

Lory Naugle, MS, NCC, DCC is a Professional Counselor in private practice in Shippensburg, PA. She provides counseling to children through adults for various mental health issues. Lory also provides counseling by distance means such as skype, secure email, telephone, and secure chat rooms.

Parenting a teenager is one of the most difficult challenges a parent will face. A Yiddish proverb states, Small children disturb your sleep, big children your life. All parents face this time in their children’s life and wonder what has happened to the child they used to know. Volumes of books have been written about the subject. In looking back over my own experience of raising teenagers I feel lucky that I survived. I’m very proud of my young adults and who they are becoming.  My daughter and I clashed a lot. I was her target of blame for almost anything at times. I had to learn to pick my battles carefully and then be firm and follow through with the consequences. I was not her friend I was her mother. Below are some tips to follow as you navigate parenting a teen.

• Set Limits and Follow Through on the Consequences – Your teenager still needs your guidance and even though they will never admit it at the time, they need you to say no. By setting and enforcing rules, parents give teens predictabiltiy and structure, as well as a way to combat peer pressure. Without your caring oversight, teens are left feeling isolated and alone. One of the most common reaction from teens in regards to this, I need limits. I’m going to yell at you and react to them, but when you don’t give me any, it makes me feel like I’m in charge. I may say that’s what I want, but it really scares me.
• Always Listen – You may know what it’s like to be a teenager, but your child know what it’s like to be a teenager today. Teens today are dealing with a whole new set of stressors. Your teen may not want to talk about things when you want to talk but letting your teen know that you are available when they want to talk is important. Many  times we would have conversations in our household with our teens at the oddest times. No they weren’t always convient but looking back they were very powerful. Try to find a common interest with them in regards to a movie, sport, or other activity and talk about it without being critical. I love having conversations with my daughter about the Twilight saga. It’s interesting to find out which character they identify with and why. The teens response to this is, Sometimes I actually do want to talk to you. I just don’t know how. Find creative ways to make me talk to you. It’ll take the pressure off. 
• Keep your Anger focused on Their Actions Not on Them as a Person- Teenagers can become very angry people. They continue to fight for their independence and less control by their parents. Teens can and do get overloaded with stress. They have poor coping skills, and getting angry is the only way they know how to avoid feeling sad, hurt, or afraid. Some of the most common teen responses to this include: I don’t always know why I’m angry, irritable, sad, or worried. Sometimes I may need you to help me figure it out. But sometimes, I may want to figure it out alone. And I’m not as in control as I am trying to look. Sometimes my hormones make me feel crazy. I haven’t learned how to regulate myself yet. One phrase I used quite often with my teens was that I really loved them, I just didn’t like their behavior at the moment. 
• Give Your Teen Honest Compliments- Yes, I totally understand how hard this can be at times. But as parents it is easy to see all the things that they are doing wrong and not give notice to the things they are doing right. This is extremely important at this age. Teens do care what their parents think! You may give compliments as to how they handled a difficult situation, or in regards to their grades in school, or particular friends they are choosing to hang around with. I remember giving my daughter compliments on how she did her hair and makeup and trying something new (going out for a sports team). Because I was a professional counselor, she often asked advice on how to handle some of her friend’s problems, and I would be amazed as to how she thought she should handle them. Teenagers especially love to hear their parents give positive feedback about them to others. People would often ask me about raising a teenage daughter and I would say, ” I love the person she is becoming”.  Teens want their parents to be proud of them and accept them for who they are. This means resisting the urge to compare your child to others. Teens already spend their days assessing how they measure up and feeling badly about themselves – they are relying on you to be their biggest supporter. 
• Try to Find a Compromise that Both Parties Can Accept - Teens consistently push their boundaries. When incorporating open communication as best you can, let your teen know that you are willing to trust them more but along with that trust comes more responsibility on their part. Compromises are and will always be a part of any type of relationship. Talk openly so both parties can accept what was agreed upon. 

If you continue to have conflicts with your teen, it is especially helpful to seek counseling with a professional. Not only does this give  your teen a chance to express themselves but also to talk to someone other than a parent or friend. Most professional counselors will also work with the parent on communication and parenting skills along with support for all parties involved.

“I am every emotion times ten, I conform yet I’m rebellious, always obeying but somehow still an outlaw, always talking but never heard, I am a teenager”. Author Unknown

Until Next Time,

Lory

If you like this article, please let me know and share it with family and friends. Thanks and have a great holiday weekend.

Coping with infertility can be isolating, emotionally painful and financially straining. Research has shown that women dealing with infertility have stress and depression levels equal to women going through treatment for cancer. 1 in 7 couples experience some difficulty getting pregnant. If you have been trying to get pregnant for 6 to 12 months you should talk with your gynecologist. This would be a good starting point where beginning testing could be completed. 

I understand the roller coaster of dealing with infertility because “I have been there and done that”. I first talked with my gynecologist about my experience after trying for 6 months. She was sympathetic but not much concerned. She referred me to a Licensed Psychologist stating that it could be my emotional state of mind that was hindering me. I then researched Infertility Specialist in my area. The closest one was 50 miles away so I began my journey.  The whirlwind of emotions that infertility brings can feel overwhelming. Knowing that your feelings are normal can help. Some of the more common feelings that I dealt with included a sense of loss for the child or children I imagined having one day. I went through several early miscarriages. I recall feeling angry and jealous that parenthood seemed to come easily to others. Sadness and shock  hoping to have a positive pregnancy test and then getting my period several days late. And lack of control over my body. My personal infertility was due to anovulation (I didn’t ovulate on a regular basis).  I began treatments with clomid for the next 8 months which was not successful. I then began treatment with injectable FSH and HCG (another hormone to stimulate ovulation) in mid cycle. 

Infertility put stress on my marriage in several ways: There was tension around sex. I was given intramusclar injections for 9 days at the start of my cycle. When my folicles were developed and mature (though blood tests and ultrasounds every 2 to 3 days), I was given an injection of HCG. It was then necessary to have sexual relations with my husband within the next 24 to 36 hours. Yes, it became a mission and a “chore”. My husband also experienced performance anxiety with having to “perform” in this time frame. I considered our children love children due to that fact that they were conceived by pure love of having to do this ritual. Another stress was the financial stress. Treatment costs quickly add up. The couple has to be willing to talk about this stress and decide how much they are willing to spend on the particular treatments. Deciding which treatments or options to try, when to stop seeking treatment, or when to take a break can put tremendous strain on a couple and their relationship. Good Communication is essential when dealing with infertility issues.

With the myriad of feelings surrounding infertility, good coping skills are also essential. Below are several tips to help manage and lower the stress level of infertility:

• Acknowledge your feelings: Whether through friends, professional counseling, groups, or online forums, finding somewhere to talk with people who understand can help you feel less alone and know what you are going through is important. Allow yourself time to feel the sadness, anger, and frustration. It actually takes more mental energy to hold your feelings back than to express them.
• Practice relaxation: Learning how to relax and calm yourself can help when feelings get intense and during treatments. Relaxation techniques, yoga, and meditation are all possible ways to cope. These also are very useful techniques to use throughout your life in other situations- going to labor!
• Learn as much as you can: The more you know about infertility, including alternatives in treatment options, adoption or living child-free, the more in control you feel.
• Open communication with your partner: Talk about your feelings together. Keep in mind that men and women cope with stress in different ways. Men tend to hold things inside and women are more likely to express their sadness. Neither way is wrong, just different.
• Don’t allow infertility to be the only focus in your life: Make sure you fill your life and your relationship with other things. If it seems like infertility is all you talk about together, set a specified time each day for the topic, and use the rest of the day to talk about other things. 
• Try to keep sex fun: As mentioned above, sex can quickly become like a chore, than a fun way to express love for each other. Try to keep things loving and exciting. Light candles, play music, watch movies, whatever makes you both feel good.
• Consider professional help: Many couples find that professional individual or couples counseling can help them cope with the emotional stress of infertility. If you find yourself feeling constantly sad or anxious, not sleeping well or oversleeping, feeling completely isolated, or having thoughts of death and dying, then it is especially important that you talk to your doctor about your feelings and seek out some type of professional help. 

As stated earlier, I went through infertility treatment for both of my children. My close friend also went through treatments and has 2 daughters. There is hope and modern medicine is amazing. Faith and trust in God will also help when dealing with infertility. 

Until Next Time,

Lory Naugle, MS, NCC, DCC

Relationships are a central factor in all of our lives. They give life meaning and purpose. To be loved by another person is an essential need and want. Webster’s New World College Dictionary defines relationship in the following ways:

1. The quality or state of being related; connection

2. Connection by blood, marriage, etc; kinship

3. A particular instance of being related

4. A continued attachment or association between person, firms, etc.; specifically one between lovers.

For the purpose of this post, I am going to focus on the last definition. A continued attachment or association between person, firms, etc. Yes, relationships are an essential part of our lives. During your teen years and early 20′s you will have relationships with a lot of people. They will include friendships as well as dating relationships. A healthy relationship features mutual respect, trust, honesty, equality, good communication, and they make us feel good about ourselves. In a healthy relationship each partner helps the other to become “the best they can be”. They don’t try to change, fix or control the other. There is mutual respect on all fronts and a balance of oneness (closeness) and separation from each other. Above all else personal growth, change and exploration is encouraged. A healthy relationship involves give and take at all times. Many teens and young adults may find themselves in healthy relationships and continue to make plans for their future together. That is awesome. I have been married for 26 years to my husband. It has been quite a journey.

So what are some of the factors to distinguish between a healthy and unhealthy relationship? A real easy measurement is that in an unhealthy relationship you feel the exact opposite of how you feel in a healthy relationship. There is not mutual trust, respect, or open communication. There is not “room to grow” or the person wants to try to change you into something you are not. If you are experiencing any type of abuse or violence such as verbal, physical, emotional or sexual that is an unhealthy relationship! This can involve both people being violent or abusive towards each other or can involve only one person doing this to the other. Many times a relationship is not abusive in the beginning but over time abusive behavior might show. Usually the abuser will have an excuse and swear that it will never happen again. The abuse usually continues to happen despite promises and can intensify in both the abuse itself and it’s frequency. 

Common warning signs of an Abusive or Unhealthy Relationship (RED FLAGS) include:

* becomes jealous or possessive of you- gets angry when you talk or hang out with other friends or people of the opposite sex

* bosses you around, makes all the decisions, tells you what to do.

* tells you what to wear, who to talk to , where you can go

*is violent to other people, gets in fights a lot, loses his/her temper a lot.

*pressures you to have sex or to do something sexual that you don’t want to do.

*blames you for his or her problems, tells you that it is your fault that he or she hurt you.

*insults you or tries to embarrass you in front of other people

*has physically hurt you

*make you feel scared of their reactions to things.

*calls or texts all the time and wants to always know where you are going and who you are with.

If you have experienced any of these signs in your dating relationship please heed this advice. YOU NEED TO END THE RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS PERSON! Talk to a trusted adult such as: a parent, teacher, doctor, nurse, close friends,pastor, or professional counselor about the reality of the relationship. Have a strong support system in place. If the first person you talk to does not take your situation seriously, keep trying until you find someone who will listen to you. 

Unhealthy relationship are toxic. They will continue to get worse over time. Even though the person promises to change, statistics show that most don’t. Please read again the characteristics of a healthy relationship. You deserve the best. 

Until Next Time,

Lory

     It has been well over a week since I last posted on this blog. Sorry about that, several occurances happened since my last post. I had the opportunity to attend a local Chamber Mixer in my hometown. This particular mixer was held at a local nursing home facility. In talking with the Director of the home we began to discuss depression and suicide in the elderly. She stated that she recently attended a seminar and was suprised to learn that elderly men have a higher rate of suicide than teenage boys. This statistic has held true for many years. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, of every 100,000 people ages 65 and older, 14.2 died by suicide in 2006. Non-Hispanic white men age 85 or older had an even higher rate, with 48 suicide deaths per 100,000.These figures are much higher than the national average of 10.9 suicides per 100,000 people in the general population!  These are very scary statistics. In order to bring attention to these alarming rates, I feel it is very important for everyone to learn and understand the RISK FACTORS. They include:

1. depression and other mental disorders, or a substance-abuse disorder
2. prior suicide attempt
3. family history of mental disorder or substance abuse
4. family history of suicide
5. family violence, including physical or sexual abuse
6. firarms in the home, the method used in more than half of suicides
7. incarceration
8. exposure to the suicidal behavior of others, such as family members, peers, or media figures.

Please Note: suicide and suicidal behavior are Not normal responses to stress; many people have these risk factors, but are not suicidal. Research also shows that the risk for suicide is associated with changes in brain chemicals called neurotransmitters, including serotonin. Decreased levels of serotonin have been found in people with depression, impulsive disorders, and a history of suicide attempts, and in the brains of suicide victims.

As you can see, Depression is a HUGE risk factor. Earlier this week we received the May edition of the AARP Bulletin in the mail (my husband is the subscriber). In this edition they published an excellent article on depression among older adults written by Peter Jaret. In the article it stated that depression is the most common of all mental illnesses. Depression affects approximately 7% of the population and more than one in 10 Americans have a prescription for antidepressants, which is now among the most widely used of all medications.

Depression can express itself in many ways among the general population. Depression is often associated with persistent sadness and melancholy. The symptoms of depression can also be a loss of pleasure and enjoyment in the things people used to enjoy, or a change in one’s sense of oneself, a feeling of worthlessness and uselessness, a change in appetite, weight, and or sleeping patterns. These particular “markers” also apply to older people but at times are just dismissed as a normal  part of aging. In reality, the vast majority of older people go through life’s ups and downs without suffering depression. The experts insist that depression is NOT a normal part of aging.

Among older people the symptoms may present themselves in more physical forms such as problems sleeping, aches and pains, memory complaints, difficulty with concentration, and changes in appetite. An example of these types of complaints may be, “I can’t sleep, nothing taste good, and my back hurts”. Older adults may not talk to their doctor or family members about their sad or anxious feelings because they are embarrassed or don’t want them to worry about them. But depression is nothing to be embarrassed about. It is not a personal weakness, it is a medical illness and can be treated.

Treatment Options

Once diagnosed, 80% of clinically depressed individuals, including older persons, can be effectively treated by medication, psychotherapy, or a combination of the two. Studies have shown that the combination of medication along with psychotherapy to be highly effective for banishing the shadows of depression for good. Remember you don’t have to live this way; Help is available and Proven Effective.

Until Next Time,

Lory Naugle, MS, NCC, DCC