Naugle Counseling

Naugle Counseling: Tips to Lower Back to School Stress

Lory Naugle, MS, NCC, DCC — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 11:27:37 +0000

You can feel it all around you. The tv commercials play into it and the flyers received in the mail by large chain stores announce it in bold letters. Yes, its back to school time across the country!

With it brings a feeling of saddness that the summer months are now just memories. Whether you have school aged children, college age children, work in a school or college, or are a student yourself there is a change in the air. For many the start of the school year increases stress and anxiety levels within the household.

The school year presents an opportunity for a fresh start, getting together with old and new friends, new accomplishments and exciting activities. Its an opportunity for a new beginning, a change in perspective. It can also be a measurement for growth.

Where I live in Pennsylvania, we have a definite change in the seasons. Each season brings with it new vibrations. In the fall the days become shorter and the air becomes “crisp”, the leaves change colors, and fall mums are in full bloom. Routines are changed and adjusted. There are new opportunities to watch fall sports. I live in a college town so the start of the University’s football season is always exciting as well as the high school sports season.

Here are some tips to help you and your child ease into the new school year:

Start now to readjust bedtimes. Children need to get their sleep. The easiest way to adjust bedtime schedules is to have the children go to bed a 1/2 hour earlier each evening until the desired bedtime is reached. Studies have shown that all children need at least 8 hours or more of sleep to perform at their best.
Decide on clothing the night before. This time saver helps reduce morning stress.
Establish a set time each day to do homework. This should be a quiet time in the household without the distractions of a tv, ipod, or cell phone. I always preferred this time to be 6:30 to 7:30 for my own children.
Make sure your child eats a healthy breakfast. Children who eat a healthy breakfast control their weight better and perform better at school. Breakfast does not have to be labor intensive, healthy wholegrain cereals are good options as well as “instant breakfast” drinks for older children. My daughter often had macroni and cheese for breakfast along with milk or apple juice. It was something that she enjoyed eating and was healthy compared to some sugary breakfast cereals.
Prepare packed lunches the night before. There is enough going on in the mornings without having to pack lunches for everyone too.
Don’t over-schedule your children with extracurricular, or after school activities. This stresses you out as much as them driving them from place to place and they start to feel overwhelmed trying to fit everything into their day. One rule of thumb is to allow each child one activity each season. This should allow for free time to help the child unwind and destress.
Try to eat at least 3 dinners a week together as a family. This allows each child a chance to talk about their day and feel a part of the family. Research has shown that bonding over the dinner table is an excellent opportunity for open discussions.
Remember live well, love much, and laugh often. Your kids are only young once.

Lory Naugle, MS, NCC, DCC is in private practice and provides counseling to children through adults in her office in Shippensburg, PA or by Distance Means such as Skype, secure email, and by phone. Please contact her if you or your child are experiencing difficulties in life.

Change and the Three Rs

Lory Naugle, MS, NCC, DCC — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 19:27:20 +0000

” The only thing constant is change”, I have heard this statement my whole life. When I was younger change was exciting and new. Graduating from high school, going to college, making new friends, graduating from college, getting my first full time job, getting married, buying a house, having children, and the list goes on and on. Yes, all those changes were scary but somehow the excitement overshadowed the anxiety.

As I have become older, this statement still holds true, but now it seems that I would be more comfortable and less anxious with things not changing for a while. But major work and life changes are common: Laid off from your job, retirement, relocations, divorce, children graduating from high school, increased responsibilities, loss of loved ones, and other numerous events.

Whether these changes are welcome or unwelcome, all can be extremely stressful unless we learn how to adjust to them. Taking the time to recover, refocus and regenerate following life changes can help us survive and even thrive.

RECOVER - After a life change you need to regain your sense of balance and routine. You situation may be, at least for now, stressful, challenging, or unfamiliar. You may have symptoms such as headaches, backaches, or depression. To begin your recovery, it will help to step back from your new situation. Plan mini breaks like going to the movies, taking a drive to local attractions, planning a weekend away, or just taking time for yourself. These “distractions” can help you get distance and perspective. Exercise and sharing your feelings with others are excellent stress reducers which can help you get back on track.

REFOCUS – If you are able to look at “the big picture”, you will gain greater peace of mind about the change. If you have been recently laid off from your job now may be the time to accomplish some of those things around the house, take some leisure time going fishing and spending extra time with your kids and family. You may also take the time to learn new skills, reconnect with friends, or spend more time networking with others. Take the time to think about what has happened, why, and what it might mean. You will realize that your feelings are mixed. With time, those feelings will change. Talking to trusted friends, family members, clergy, or a professional counselor may speed the process.

REGENERATE – All change is stressful for your body and your body needs time to heal. Get extra rest, avoid alcohol and cigarettes, and eat properly. Try to increase your circle of support, connect with new people or reinforce old friendships. Social media including Facebook is an excellent way to do this.

No one can escape change. Accepting the fact that change has taken place is important. When you take steps to recover, refocus and regenerate, you will find acceptance easier. These steps will help you successfully make the change part of your life.

Until Next Time,

Lory

Lory Naugle, MS, NCC, DCC is a Professional Counselor in private practice in Shippensburg, PA. She provides counseling to children through adults for various mental health issues. Lory also provides counseling by distance means such as skype, secure email, telephone, and secure chat rooms.

Parenting your Teen – Tips to Help you Cope Through this Trying Time

Lory Naugle, MS, NCC, DCC — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 21:19:14 +0000

Parenting a teenager is one of the most difficult challenges a parent will face. A Yiddish proverb states, Small children disturb your sleep, big children your life. All parents face this time in their children’s life and wonder what has happened to the child they used to know. Volumes of books have been written about the subject. In looking back over my own experience of raising teenagers I feel lucky that I survived. I’m very proud of my young adults and who they are becoming. My daughter and I clashed a lot. I was her target of blame for almost anything at times. I had to learn to pick my battles carefully and then be firm and follow through with the consequences. I was not her friend I was her mother. Below are some tips to follow as you navigate parenting a teen.

Set Limits and Follow Through on the Consequences – Your teenager still needs your guidance and even though they will never admit it at the time, they need you to say no. By setting and enforcing rules, parents give teens predictabiltiy and structure, as well as a way to combat peer pressure. Without your caring oversight, teens are left feeling isolated and alone. One of the most common reaction from teens in regards to this, I need limits. I’m going to yell at you and react to them, but when you don’t give me any, it makes me feel like I’m in charge. I may say that’s what I want, but it really scares me.
Always Listen – You may know what it’s like to be a teenager, but your child know what it’s like to be a teenager today. Teens today are dealing with a whole new set of stressors. Your teen may not want to talk about things when you want to talk but letting your teen know that you are available when they want to talk is important. Many times we would have conversations in our household with our teens at the oddest times. No they weren’t always convient but looking back they were very powerful. Try to find a common interest with them in regards to a movie, sport, or other activity and talk about it without being critical. I love having conversations with my daughter about the Twilight saga. It’s interesting to find out which character they identify with and why. The teens response to this is, Sometimes I actually do want to talk to you. I just don’t know how. Find creative ways to make me talk to you. It’ll take the pressure off.
Keep your Anger focused on Their Actions Not on Them as a Person- Teenagers can become very angry people. They continue to fight for their independence and less control by their parents. Teens can and do get overloaded with stress. They have poor coping skills, and getting angry is the only way they know how to avoid feeling sad, hurt, or afraid. Some of the most common teen responses to this include: I don’t always know why I’m angry, irritable, sad, or worried. Sometimes I may need you to help me figure it out. But sometimes, I may want to figure it out alone. And I’m not as in control as I am trying to look. Sometimes my hormones make me feel crazy. I haven’t learned how to regulate myself yet. One phrase I used quite often with my teens was that I really loved them, I just didn’t like their behavior at the moment.
Give Your Teen Honest Compliments- Yes, I totally understand how hard this can be at times. But as parents it is easy to see all the things that they are doing wrong and not give notice to the things they are doing right. This is extremely important at this age. Teens do care what their parents think! You may give compliments as to how they handled a difficult situation, or in regards to their grades in school, or particular friends they are choosing to hang around with. I remember giving my daughter compliments on how she did her hair and makeup and trying something new (going out for a sports team). Because I was a professional counselor, she often asked advice on how to handle some of her friend’s problems, and I would be amazed as to how she thought she should handle them. Teenagers especially love to hear their parents give positive feedback about them to others. People would often ask me about raising a teenage daughter and I would say, ” I love the person she is becoming”. Teens want their parents to be proud of them and accept them for who they are. This means resisting the urge to compare your child to others. Teens already spend their days assessing how they measure up and feeling badly about themselves – they are relying on you to be their biggest supporter.
Try to Find a Compromise that Both Parties Can Accept - Teens consistently push their boundaries. When incorporating open communication as best you can, let your teen know that you are willing to trust them more but along with that trust comes more responsibility on their part. Compromises are and will always be a part of any type of relationship. Talk openly so both parties can accept what was agreed upon.

If you continue to have conflicts with your teen, it is especially helpful to seek counseling with a professional. Not only does this give your teen a chance to express themselves but also to talk to someone other than a parent or friend. Most professional counselors will also work with the parent on communication and parenting skills along with support for all parties involved.

“I am every emotion times ten, I conform yet I’m rebellious, always obeying but somehow still an outlaw, always talking but never heard, I am a teenager”. Author Unknown

Until Next Time,

Lory

If you like this article, please let me know and share it with family and friends. Thanks and have a great holiday weekend.

Infertility and Stress

Lory Naugle, MS, NCC, DCC — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 21:08:51 +0000

Coping with infertility can be isolating, emotionally painful and financially straining. Research has shown that women dealing with infertility have stress and depression levels equal to women going through treatment for cancer. 1 in 7 couples experience some difficulty getting pregnant. If you have been trying to get pregnant for 6 to 12 months you should talk with your gynecologist. This would be a good starting point where beginning testing could be completed.

I understand the roller coaster of dealing with infertility because “I have been there and done that”. I first talked with my gynecologist about my experience after trying for 6 months. She was sympathetic but not much concerned. She referred me to a Licensed Psychologist stating that it could be my emotional state of mind that was hindering me. I then researched Infertility Specialist in my area. The closest one was 50 miles away so I began my journey. The whirlwind of emotions that infertility brings can feel overwhelming. Knowing that your feelings are normal can help. Some of the more common feelings that I dealt with included a sense of loss for the child or children I imagined having one day. I went through several early miscarriages. I recall feeling angry and jealous that parenthood seemed to come easily to others. Sadness and shock hoping to have a positive pregnancy test and then getting my period several days late. And lack of control over my body. My personal infertility was due to anovulation (I didn’t ovulate on a regular basis). I began treatments with clomid for the next 8 months which was not successful. I then began treatment with injectable FSH and HCG (another hormone to stimulate ovulation) in mid cycle.

Infertility put stress on my marriage in several ways: There was tension around sex. I was given intramusclar injections for 9 days at the start of my cycle. When my folicles were developed and mature (though blood tests and ultrasounds every 2 to 3 days), I was given an injection of HCG. It was then necessary to have sexual relations with my husband within the next 24 to 36 hours. Yes, it became a mission and a “chore”. My husband also experienced performance anxiety with having to “perform” in this time frame. I considered our children love children due to that fact that they were conceived by pure love of having to do this ritual. Another stress was the financial stress. Treatment costs quickly add up. The couple has to be willing to talk about this stress and decide how much they are willing to spend on the particular treatments. Deciding which treatments or options to try, when to stop seeking treatment, or when to take a break can put tremendous strain on a couple and their relationship. Good Communication is essential when dealing with infertility issues.

With the myriad of feelings surrounding infertility, good coping skills are also essential. Below are several tips to help manage and lower the stress level of infertility:

Acknowledge your feelings: Whether through friends, professional counseling, groups, or online forums, finding somewhere to talk with people who understand can help you feel less alone and know what you are going through is important. Allow yourself time to feel the sadness, anger, and frustration. It actually takes more mental energy to hold your feelings back than to express them.
Practice relaxation: Learning how to relax and calm yourself can help when feelings get intense and during treatments. Relaxation techniques, yoga, and meditation are all possible ways to cope. These also are very useful techniques to use throughout your life in other situations- going to labor!
Learn as much as you can: The more you know about infertility, including alternatives in treatment options, adoption or living child-free, the more in control you feel.
Open communication with your partner: Talk about your feelings together. Keep in mind that men and women cope with stress in different ways. Men tend to hold things inside and women are more likely to express their sadness. Neither way is wrong, just different.
Don’t allow infertility to be the only focus in your life: Make sure you fill your life and your relationship with other things. If it seems like infertility is all you talk about together, set a specified time each day for the topic, and use the rest of the day to talk about other things.
Try to keep sex fun: As mentioned above, sex can quickly become like a chore, than a fun way to express love for each other. Try to keep things loving and exciting. Light candles, play music, watch movies, whatever makes you both feel good.
Consider professional help: Many couples find that professional individual or couples counseling can help them cope with the emotional stress of infertility. If you find yourself feeling constantly sad or anxious, not sleeping well or oversleeping, feeling completely isolated, or having thoughts of death and dying, then it is especially important that you talk to your doctor about your feelings and seek out some type of professional help.

As stated earlier, I went through infertility treatment for both of my children. My close friend also went through treatments and has 2 daughters. There is hope and modern medicine is amazing. Faith and trust in God will also help when dealing with infertility.

Until Next Time,

Lory Naugle, MS, NCC, DCC

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships for Young Adults

Lory Naugle, MS, NCC, DCC — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 22:27:38 +0000

Relationships are a central factor in all of our lives. They give life meaning and purpose. To be loved by another person is an essential need and want. Webster’s New World College Dictionary defines relationship in the following ways:

1. The quality or state of being related; connection

2. Connection by blood, marriage, etc; kinship

3. A particular instance of being related

4. A continued attachment or association between person, firms, etc.; specifically one between lovers.

For the purpose of this post, I am going to focus on the last definition. A continued attachment or association between person, firms, etc. Yes, relationships are an essential part of our lives. During your teen years and early 20′s you will have relationships with a lot of people. They will include friendships as well as dating relationships. A healthy relationship features mutual respect, trust, honesty, equality, good communication, and they make us feel good about ourselves. In a healthy relationship each partner helps the other to become “the best they can be”. They don’t try to change, fix or control the other. There is mutual respect on all fronts and a balance of oneness (closeness) and separation from each other. Above all else personal growth, change and exploration is encouraged. A healthy relationship involves give and take at all times. Many teens and young adults may find themselves in healthy relationships and continue to make plans for their future together. That is awesome. I have been married for 26 years to my husband. It has been quite a journey.

So what are some of the factors to distinguish between a healthy and unhealthy relationship? A real easy measurement is that in an unhealthy relationship you feel the exact opposite of how you feel in a healthy relationship. There is not mutual trust, respect, or open communication. There is not “room to grow” or the person wants to try to change you into something you are not. If you are experiencing any type of abuse or violence such as verbal, physical, emotional or sexual that is an unhealthy relationship! This can involve both people being violent or abusive towards each other or can involve only one person doing this to the other. Many times a relationship is not abusive in the beginning but over time abusive behavior might show. Usually the abuser will have an excuse and swear that it will never happen again. The abuse usually continues to happen despite promises and can intensify in both the abuse itself and it’s frequency.

Common warning signs of an Abusive or Unhealthy Relationship (RED FLAGS) include:

* becomes jealous or possessive of you- gets angry when you talk or hang out with other friends or people of the opposite sex

* bosses you around, makes all the decisions, tells you what to do.

* tells you what to wear, who to talk to , where you can go

*is violent to other people, gets in fights a lot, loses his/her temper a lot.

*pressures you to have sex or to do something sexual that you don’t want to do.

*blames you for his or her problems, tells you that it is your fault that he or she hurt you.

*insults you or tries to embarrass you in front of other people

*has physically hurt you

*make you feel scared of their reactions to things.

*calls or texts all the time and wants to always know where you are going and who you are with.

If you have experienced any of these signs in your dating relationship please heed this advice. YOU NEED TO END THE RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS PERSON! Talk to a trusted adult such as: a parent, teacher, doctor, nurse, close friends,pastor, or professional counselor about the reality of the relationship. Have a strong support system in place. If the first person you talk to does not take your situation seriously, keep trying until you find someone who will listen to you.

Unhealthy relationship are toxic. They will continue to get worse over time. Even though the person promises to change, statistics show that most don’t. Please read again the characteristics of a healthy relationship. You deserve the best.

Until Next Time,

Lory

Stress Management for Emergency Services Professionals

Lory Naugle, MS, NCC, DCC — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 20:05:08 +0000

Emergency services are a vital part of any community. Some communities have paid personnel for fire and ambulance protection but for most smaller towns (like Shippensburg, PA) most work other “paid” jobs and volunteer their time for those in need. The amount of time they commit to their companies is huge. Not only are they there for the communities time of need (emergencies) they are constantly involved in training exercises, and fundraising to raise the necessary funds to continue to do what they do. These men and women in our communities are Extraordinary! When asked why they do what they do some will state, ” Its just in my blood to help others” or ” I can’t imagine not volunteering and running calls, I like helping others in their time of need”. Credit needs to be given to these saints as well as the younger people in our communities that are becoming involved in these volunteer organizations.

I had the privilege this week to give a presentation to my local EMS (Emergency Medical Services) on dealing with stress within the emergency services profession. Not only do these saints deal with everyday stress like everyone else they are also subject to additional stressors and triggers, if you will, in responding to calls on a daily basis. They unlike most in the community are witness to life’s tragedies firsthand. Sometimes they are the last person to interact with a victim before they die, other times they are the one keeping the victim alive, and still others they are the ones that act quickly in life saving measures to enable the victim to live.

Working in this environment can and often does take it’s toll. 20 to 30 years ago, those who became upset over a “bad call” were told to deal with it, man-up, its part of the job-get used to it, etc. Many of those in the EMS services at that time tried those strategies and continued to wonder what was going on with them because they couldn’t just “deal with it”. Stress in the EMS service and all Emergencies services can be classified into three specific categories.

Critical Incident Stress: Occurs when you experience an unusual or extreme emotional reaction after exposure to an event that is overwhelming to you. This is subjective based on each individual’s life experience and belief system. What is overwhelming to one person may not be overwhelming to another person.

Delayed Stress: In some cases stress reactions to an overwhelming event do not occur until days, weeks, months or even years later. The reactions are just as debilitating and impacting as a recent event. Delayed stress can occur when people go into shock after an event, refuse to acknowledge the impact of the event, or when exposure to an event is prolonged. This type of stress can also be referred to as PTSD.

Cumulative Stress: Is the most common and can be the most damaging. It occurs when a person’s normal coping mechanism are continuously overwhelmed. It can also occur when you don’t build in daily self care activities that are regenerative and stress reducing. Cumulative stress reactions are very debilitating. People begin to believe that frequent headaches, acid stomach, irritability, poor concentration, are normal. This produces further stress which can lead to serious physical and emotional illnesses.

All three of the above mentioned types of stress can manifest themselves into a clinical mental health diagnosis. Becoming aware of the signs of stress (emotionally, cognitively, and behaviorally) can help in identifying the triggers and reduce recovery time. It is important to note that after developing any of these types of symptoms, it can be especially helpful to talk to a professional counselor.

Emotional Stress will appear in the following ways: Denial, Fear, Depression, Grief, Anger, Worry, Uncertainty, Hopelessness, Helplessness, Feeling lost, Wishing to Hide, Anxiety, Panic, and Inappropriate Emotions.

Cognitive Signs and Symptoms: Difficulty Making Decisions, Confusion, Difficulty Naming Familiar Items, Poor Concentration, Blaming Others, Memory Problems, and Replaying Events Over and Over.

Behavioral Signs of Stress: Withdrawal, Suspiciousness, Excessive Humor or Silence, Increased Smoking, Alcohol or Food, Change in Activity Level, Angry Outbursts, and Crying Spells.

Stress management skills make it easier for your body, mind and emotions to return to normal more quickly after a stressful event. Stress management skills include: Developing a balanced lifestyle, Daily relaxation routines, Developing a Positive Mental Attitude, Balancing life’s activities so not to become stressed, and working for a lifestyle of Peak Performance.

Being an emergency responder is rewarding work, but as with most stressful professions or volunteer services the demands can lead to abnormal levels of stress. Thank you for your services. Please don’t be afraid to ask for additional professional help if you can identify with many of the symptoms listed above. Some companies have funds set aside to help with the costs of mental health counseling for support.

Until Next Time,

Lory

Parenting your ADHD Child – Part II

Lory Naugle, MS, NCC, DCC — Thu, 27 May 2010 21:05:19 +0000

Parenting is the toughest job you will ever do in your life. Parenting a child with ADHD can be even more challenging. Last week in my post, I gave the following tips:

1. The Importance of a Positive Attitude

2. Provide Structure and Be Consistent

3. Set Clear Expectations and Rules

Those 3 tips alone can help to make positive changes in both your life as a parent and the life of your child. More tips to help make life easier include:

4. Promoting Physical Activity and Better Sleep: Children with ADHD usually have energy to burn. Organized sports and other physical activities can help them get their energy out in healthy ways and focus their attention on specific movements and skills. The benefits of physical activity are huge: it improves concentration, decreases depression and anxiety, and promotes brain growth. Physical activity also leads to better sleep, which can reduce the symptoms of ADHD. Finding a team or individual sport with constant motion such as soccer, basketball, football, hockey, or volleyball are better options than sports that have “down time”, such as softball and baseball. I remember when my son started playing baseball. He was an outfielder and there was an active train track behind the baseball field. While in the outfield, he would pick grass and if a train came through forget it…..all his attention was on the train. He didn’t care what was happening with the game. Many children with ADHD also benefit from martial arts training, tae kwon do, or even yoga which enhances mental control along with physical endurance. Insufficient sleep affects all children but can have exaggerated consequences for those children with ADHD. Overstimulation and medication side effects can have an adverse reaction in sleep patterns. Some strategies to use to help your child get the sleep they need include: Have a consistent, early bedtime, decrease television time (increase activities levels and exercise during the day), eliminate all caffeine from your child’s diet, lower the activity level for an hour or so before bedtime, spend 10 to 15 minutes cuddling with your child, use relaxation tapes as a background noise in their bedroom. You can also run an electric fan or purchase a sound machine which has different settings of “white noise”.

5. Establish Healthy Eating Habits: Studies have found that food can and does affect a child’s mental state, which in turn affects behavior. Monitoring and modifying what,, when, and how much your child eats can help decrease the symptoms of ADHD. All children benefit from fresh foods, regular meal times, and staying away from junk food. Schedule healthy meals or snacks for your child no more than 3 hours apart. Meal times are necessary breaks and add a scheduled rhythm to the day for your child. For the benefit of your child and you get rid of the junk foods in your home, offer healthy alternatives, and supplement your child’s diet with a multivitamin each day.

6. Teaching your Child Positive Social Skills: Children with ADHD often have difficulty with simple social interactions. They may struggle with talking too much, interrupting frequently, or come off as aggressive or intense. Due to their emotional immaturity they may become targets for unfriendly teasing. Many children with ADHD are exceptionally intelligent and creative but it is hard for them to learn social skills and social rules. Incorporating some of the following may help: Speak gently but honestly with your child abut his behavior and how to make changes, role play social scenes or scenarios with your child- trade roles often and try to make it fun, select playmates carefully for your child, select those with similar language and physical skills, invite only one friend at a time in the beginning, watch closely while they play, and set a zero tolerance policy for hitting, pushing and yelling in your house or yard- remember to follow through with consequences.

I understand it is very difficult at times to remember and follow through with all these suggestions. Some days will be better than others- we all deal with that. Through time,effort and growth on the part of your child things will improve and become more stable.

I hope you find these tips useful, I encourage you to give me comments and feedback. It is especially helpful for most parents and children to receive counseling to help deal with ADHD. Counseling can help the child recognize his feelings, improve his social skills, and communication in the household.

Until next time,

Lory Naugle, MS, NCC, DCC

Lory Naugle, MS, NCC, DCC provides counseling online and in her private practice in Shippensburg, PA. She specializes in anxiety, depression and ADHD disorders in Children and Adults. Please see her contact information on her web site: www.nauglecounseling.com

Parenting your ADHD Child- Part 1

Lory Naugle, MS, NCC, DCC — Thu, 20 May 2010 22:34:11 +0000

Becoming a parent is an exciting adventure. As the child continues to grow every parent realizes that this is a hard job. Parenting a child with ADHD can be frustrating and overwhelming. A child with ADHD usually has greater demand, needs more involvement, and requires greater patience and understanding by the parent. As the parent of an ADHD child there is actually a lot you can do. You have the power to help your child meet his or her daily challenges and channel his or her energy in positive ways. Children with ADHD can and do succeed. The earlier and more consistently address your child’s problems the more likely their success. As I stated in one of my previous post, ADHD is a performance deficit – not doing what you know. Kids with ADHD want to do everything that is asked of them, they just don’t know how to make these things happen. Having ADHD is just as frustrating as dealing with someone who has it. Continuing to keep that in mind when parenting your child with ADHD will help to keep things in perspective. Below are some tips and guidelines in parenting your ADHD child.

The Importance of a Positive Attitude: Having and keeping a positive attitude helps you to remain calm and focused. When you are calm and focused you are able to connect with your child in positive ways, giving more positive attention to your child and helping him or her be be calm and focused as well. Giving your child special one-on-one time each day helps to reinforce your child’s unique abilities and strengths. Keeping things in perspective and remembering that your child’s behavior most of the time is not intentional but related to their disorder. Keep your sense of humor. What may be embarrassing today will be a funny family story in time. Always remind yourself to choose your battles and don’t sweat the small stuff. Your child may have had a great day at school and completes two chores at home along with their homework, if the child fails to pick up their room on top of everything else they did complete that day, don’t allow the one unfinished task to undo all the positives for the day. Keep your expectations in perspective or you will be in constant battle and conflict. Remember to say to yourself will this particular thing matter 5 years from now. The answer usually is NO.
Provide Structure and Be Consistent: A child with ADHD are more likely to succeed in completing tasks when they know the expectations and the tasks occur in predictable patterns and places. Your job IS to create and sustain structure and expectations in your home. Every child (including those not dealing with ADHD) needs to know what to expect and what they are expected to do. Some suggestions for creating structure in a household include: following a regular routine-establish simple and predictable rituals for meals, homework, play, and bedtime. Make use of clocks and timers. Egg timers work great for homework or getting ready in the morning. Don’t over schedule your child in after school activities. Just as adults become overwhelmed with too many scheduled activities, so do children. Allow “down time” for your child to just be a kid and engage their creativity. Do your best to be neat and organized- role model neatness and organization as much as possible so that your child knows that everything has its place. Since studies have determined that ADHD is inherited, all the suggestions listed can greatly help all in the household.
Set Clear Expectations and Rules: All children and especially those with ADHD need consistent rules that they can understand and follow. Make the rules of behavior for the family simple and clear. Write them down and place them where all children in the household can easily read them (Refrigerator). Children with ADHD usually respond well to an organized system of rewards and consequences. Make a chart with stickers or stars awarded for good behavior and completing chores. The charts help your child have a visual reminder of his or her successes. Set certain milestones for specific rewards. When first starting choose a set number of stars or stickers to receive a small reward, as time goes on set the number higher to receive larger rewards. Consequences should be spelled out in advance and occur immediately after your child has misbehaved. Try time-outs and the removal of privileges as the consequences for misbehavior. Remove your child from situations and environments that trigger inappropriate behavior. When your child misbehaves, ask what he or she could have done instead. Then have the child demonstrate it. ALWAYS follow through with a consequence.

As you can see from the title of this blog, this is part 1 of parenting your ADHD child. There are several other tips that I will include in Part II. Until next time, keep smiling and love your very special and unique child with all your heart and don’t forget to laugh.

Lory Naugle, MS, NCC, DCC

Depression And Suicide Among the Elderly

Lory Naugle, MS, NCC, DCC — Wed, 12 May 2010 21:17:02 +0000

It has been well over a week since I last posted on this blog. Sorry about that, several occurances happened since my last post. I had the opportunity to attend a local Chamber Mixer in my hometown. This particular mixer was held at a local nursing home facility. In talking with the Director of the home we began to discuss depression and suicide in the elderly. She stated that she recently attended a seminar and was suprised to learn that elderly men have a higher rate of suicide than teenage boys. This statistic has held true for many years. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, of every 100,000 people ages 65 and older, 14.2 died by suicide in 2006. Non-Hispanic white men age 85 or older had an even higher rate, with 48 suicide deaths per 100,000.These figures are much higher than the national average of 10.9 suicides per 100,000 people in the general population! These are very scary statistics. In order to bring attention to these alarming rates, I feel it is very important for everyone to learn and understand the RISK FACTORS. They include:

depression and other mental disorders, or a substance-abuse disorder
prior suicide attempt
family history of mental disorder or substance abuse
family history of suicide
family violence, including physical or sexual abuse
firarms in the home, the method used in more than half of suicides
incarceration
exposure to the suicidal behavior of others, such as family members, peers, or media figures.

Please Note: suicide and suicidal behavior are Not normal responses to stress; many people have these risk factors, but are not suicidal. Research also shows that the risk for suicide is associated with changes in brain chemicals called neurotransmitters, including serotonin. Decreased levels of serotonin have been found in people with depression, impulsive disorders, and a history of suicide attempts, and in the brains of suicide victims.

As you can see, Depression is a HUGE risk factor. Earlier this week we received the May edition of the AARP Bulletin in the mail (my husband is the subscriber). In this edition they published an excellent article on depression among older adults written by Peter Jaret. In the article it stated that depression is the most common of all mental illnesses. Depression affects approximately 7% of the population and more than one in 10 Americans have a prescription for antidepressants, which is now among the most widely used of all medications.

Depression can express itself in many ways among the general population. Depression is often associated with persistent sadness and melancholy. The symptoms of depression can also be a loss of pleasure and enjoyment in the things people used to enjoy, or a change in one’s sense of oneself, a feeling of worthlessness and uselessness, a change in appetite, weight, and or sleeping patterns. These particular “markers” also apply to older people but at times are just dismissed as a normal part of aging. In reality, the vast majority of older people go through life’s ups and downs without suffering depression. The experts insist that depression is NOT a normal part of aging.

Among older people the symptoms may present themselves in more physical forms such as problems sleeping, aches and pains, memory complaints, difficulty with concentration, and changes in appetite. An example of these types of complaints may be, “I can’t sleep, nothing taste good, and my back hurts”. Older adults may not talk to their doctor or family members about their sad or anxious feelings because they are embarrassed or don’t want them to worry about them. But depression is nothing to be embarrassed about. It is not a personal weakness, it is a medical illness and can be treated.

Treatment Options

Once diagnosed, 80% of clinically depressed individuals, including older persons, can be effectively treated by medication, psychotherapy, or a combination of the two. Studies have shown that the combination of medication along with psychotherapy to be highly effective for banishing the shadows of depression for good. Remember you don’t have to live this way; Help is available and Proven Effective.

Until Next Time,

Lory Naugle, MS, NCC, DCC

Does My Child have ADHD?

Lory Naugle, MS, NCC, DCC — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 19:43:31 +0000

Last week I received a consultative phone call from an upset mother. The daycare that her 5 year old son attends gave her an ultimatum, either obtain counseling for your son, put him on medication or he will no longer be welcome at the center. WOW, quite a statement for a daycare center to make! So you can see why she was so upset. When obtaining more detail from her. She stated that her son had begun to have more frequent “meltdowns” during the day. She described her son as being a “high energy” child that often acts impulsively and seems to always find trouble. She went on to explain that the center had some staffing changes along with program changes. She also stated that her son became a big brother 7 months prior. She continued to state that his little brother was born 10 weeks early and was in the NICU for almost 8 weeks. She was in the hospital for almost 2 full weeks before delivery due to preeclampsia. This had been a traumatic time for their family. The mother was so worried and felt helpless. Was it the major life change with having a new baby in the house? Could it be the program and staff changes that are creating this behavior? Most importantly what can be done to help her son? I went onto explain that counseling can help her son and also to talk with her pediatrician to determine whether or not to medicate her son.

In obtaining more information, I was suspecting that her son could be diagnosed with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). What information was I using to suspect this disorder? Let me break down some of the basic information for you.

ADHD is the current term for a specific developmental disorder seen in both children and adults that is comprised of deficits in behavioral inhibition, sustained attention and resistance to distractions, and the regulation of one’s activity level to the demands of a situation (hyperactivity or restlessness).

There are three subtypes to this disorder. I will list the criteria listed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-IV), The Bible for those working in the mental health field, for each subtype. They are:

Inattentive Type – six (or more) of the following symptoms of inattention have persisted for at least 6 months to a degree that is maladaptive and inconsistent with developmental level.

often fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, work, or other activities.
often has difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or play activities.
often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly.
often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the work-place (not due to oppositional behavior or failure to understand instructions).
often has difficulty organizing tasks and activities.
often avoids, dislikes, or is reluctant to engage in tasks that require sustained mental effort (such as schoolwork or homework).
often loses things necessary for tasks or activities (e.g.,toys, school assignments, pencils, books, or tools).
is often easily distracted by extraneous stimuli.
is often forgetful in daily activities.

Hyperactive type – six (or more) of the following symptoms of hyperactivity-impulsivity have persisted for at least 6 months to a degree that is maladaptive and inconsistent with developmental level:

often fidgets with hands or feet or squirms in seat.
often leaves seat in classroom or in other situation in which remaining seated is expected.
often runs about or climbs excessively in situation in which it is inappropriate (in adolescents or adults, may be limited to subjective feelings of restlessness).
often has difficulty playing or engaging in leisure activities quietly.
is often “on the go” or often acts as if “driven by a motor”.
often talks excessively
often blurts out answers before questions have been completed.
often has difficulty awaiting turn.
often interrupts or intrudes on others (e.g., butts into conversations or games).

Combined Type- Criteria from both categories have been met for the past 6 months.

Some of the additional criteria for ADHD include the following:

Some hyperactive-impulsive or inattentive symptoms that caused impairment were present before age 7 years.
Some impairment from the symptoms is present in two or more settings (e.g., at school, work, or at home).
There must be clear evidence of clinically significant impairment in social, academic or occupational functioning.

ADHD is a performance deficit, not doing what you know. The child or the adult has problems maintaining a consistent level of performance. A diagnosis should not and cannot be made without some detailed history. These histories should include: A Detailed Family History, A Detailed School History, Interviews/Observations with the child, Other Psychological Testing as Indicated.

Based on the information that mom was giving me, her child did meet many of the diagnosis criteria. There is help available in dealing with ADHD, either as an adult or a child. One interesting note is that the research today is suggesting that ADHD has a genetic feature which indicates it is highly inherited, it is neurological suggesting that children are “born with it”, it is internal vs. eternal, and it is NOT deliberate on the part of the child.

Treatment for ADHD consist of Medical support (medication), Psychological support through a Professional Counselor (for the Child and the Parents), and Educational support through the school system.

Lory Naugle, MS, NCC, DCC, is a Professional Counselor in Private Practice. She offers counseling in her office and online. She specializes in Anxiety Disorders and ADHD for both children and adults.