Coping with infertility can be isolating, emotionally painful and financially straining. Research has shown that women dealing with infertility have stress and depression levels equal to women going through treatment for cancer. 1 in 7 couples experience some difficulty getting pregnant. If you have been trying to get pregnant for 6 to 12 months you should talk with your gynecologist. This would be a good starting point where beginning testing could be completed. 

I understand the roller coaster of dealing with infertility because “I have been there and done that”. I first talked with my gynecologist about my experience after trying for 6 months. She was sympathetic but not much concerned. She referred me to a Licensed Psychologist stating that it could be my emotional state of mind that was hindering me. I then researched Infertility Specialist in my area. The closest one was 50 miles away so I began my journey.  The whirlwind of emotions that infertility brings can feel overwhelming. Knowing that your feelings are normal can help. Some of the more common feelings that I dealt with included a sense of loss for the child or children I imagined having one day. I went through several early miscarriages. I recall feeling angry and jealous that parenthood seemed to come easily to others. Sadness and shock  hoping to have a positive pregnancy test and then getting my period several days late. And lack of control over my body. My personal infertility was due to anovulation (I didn’t ovulate on a regular basis).  I began treatments with clomid for the next 8 months which was not successful. I then began treatment with injectable FSH and HCG (another hormone to stimulate ovulation) in mid cycle. 

Infertility put stress on my marriage in several ways: There was tension around sex. I was given intramusclar injections for 9 days at the start of my cycle. When my folicles were developed and mature (though blood tests and ultrasounds every 2 to 3 days), I was given an injection of HCG. It was then necessary to have sexual relations with my husband within the next 24 to 36 hours. Yes, it became a mission and a “chore”. My husband also experienced performance anxiety with having to “perform” in this time frame. I considered our children love children due to that fact that they were conceived by pure love of having to do this ritual. Another stress was the financial stress. Treatment costs quickly add up. The couple has to be willing to talk about this stress and decide how much they are willing to spend on the particular treatments. Deciding which treatments or options to try, when to stop seeking treatment, or when to take a break can put tremendous strain on a couple and their relationship. Good Communication is essential when dealing with infertility issues.

With the myriad of feelings surrounding infertility, good coping skills are also essential. Below are several tips to help manage and lower the stress level of infertility:

• Acknowledge your feelings: Whether through friends, professional counseling, groups, or online forums, finding somewhere to talk with people who understand can help you feel less alone and know what you are going through is important. Allow yourself time to feel the sadness, anger, and frustration. It actually takes more mental energy to hold your feelings back than to express them.
• Practice relaxation: Learning how to relax and calm yourself can help when feelings get intense and during treatments. Relaxation techniques, yoga, and meditation are all possible ways to cope. These also are very useful techniques to use throughout your life in other situations- going to labor!
• Learn as much as you can: The more you know about infertility, including alternatives in treatment options, adoption or living child-free, the more in control you feel.
• Open communication with your partner: Talk about your feelings together. Keep in mind that men and women cope with stress in different ways. Men tend to hold things inside and women are more likely to express their sadness. Neither way is wrong, just different.
• Don’t allow infertility to be the only focus in your life: Make sure you fill your life and your relationship with other things. If it seems like infertility is all you talk about together, set a specified time each day for the topic, and use the rest of the day to talk about other things. 
• Try to keep sex fun: As mentioned above, sex can quickly become like a chore, than a fun way to express love for each other. Try to keep things loving and exciting. Light candles, play music, watch movies, whatever makes you both feel good.
• Consider professional help: Many couples find that professional individual or couples counseling can help them cope with the emotional stress of infertility. If you find yourself feeling constantly sad or anxious, not sleeping well or oversleeping, feeling completely isolated, or having thoughts of death and dying, then it is especially important that you talk to your doctor about your feelings and seek out some type of professional help. 

As stated earlier, I went through infertility treatment for both of my children. My close friend also went through treatments and has 2 daughters. There is hope and modern medicine is amazing. Faith and trust in God will also help when dealing with infertility. 

Until Next Time,

Lory Naugle, MS, NCC, DCC

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