Archive for June, 2010

Coping with infertility can be isolating, emotionally painful and financially straining. Research has shown that women dealing with infertility have stress and depression levels equal to women going through treatment for cancer. 1 in 7 couples experience some difficulty getting pregnant. If you have been trying to get pregnant for 6 to 12 months you should talk with your gynecologist. This would be a good starting point where beginning testing could be completed. 

I understand the roller coaster of dealing with infertility because “I have been there and done that”. I first talked with my gynecologist about my experience after trying for 6 months. She was sympathetic but not much concerned. She referred me to a Licensed Psychologist stating that it could be my emotional state of mind that was hindering me. I then researched Infertility Specialist in my area. The closest one was 50 miles away so I began my journey.  The whirlwind of emotions that infertility brings can feel overwhelming. Knowing that your feelings are normal can help. Some of the more common feelings that I dealt with included a sense of loss for the child or children I imagined having one day. I went through several early miscarriages. I recall feeling angry and jealous that parenthood seemed to come easily to others. Sadness and shock  hoping to have a positive pregnancy test and then getting my period several days late. And lack of control over my body. My personal infertility was due to anovulation (I didn’t ovulate on a regular basis).  I began treatments with clomid for the next 8 months which was not successful. I then began treatment with injectable FSH and HCG (another hormone to stimulate ovulation) in mid cycle. 

Infertility put stress on my marriage in several ways: There was tension around sex. I was given intramusclar injections for 9 days at the start of my cycle. When my folicles were developed and mature (though blood tests and ultrasounds every 2 to 3 days), I was given an injection of HCG. It was then necessary to have sexual relations with my husband within the next 24 to 36 hours. Yes, it became a mission and a “chore”. My husband also experienced performance anxiety with having to “perform” in this time frame. I considered our children love children due to that fact that they were conceived by pure love of having to do this ritual. Another stress was the financial stress. Treatment costs quickly add up. The couple has to be willing to talk about this stress and decide how much they are willing to spend on the particular treatments. Deciding which treatments or options to try, when to stop seeking treatment, or when to take a break can put tremendous strain on a couple and their relationship. Good Communication is essential when dealing with infertility issues.

With the myriad of feelings surrounding infertility, good coping skills are also essential. Below are several tips to help manage and lower the stress level of infertility:

• Acknowledge your feelings: Whether through friends, professional counseling, groups, or online forums, finding somewhere to talk with people who understand can help you feel less alone and know what you are going through is important. Allow yourself time to feel the sadness, anger, and frustration. It actually takes more mental energy to hold your feelings back than to express them.
• Practice relaxation: Learning how to relax and calm yourself can help when feelings get intense and during treatments. Relaxation techniques, yoga, and meditation are all possible ways to cope. These also are very useful techniques to use throughout your life in other situations- going to labor!
• Learn as much as you can: The more you know about infertility, including alternatives in treatment options, adoption or living child-free, the more in control you feel.
• Open communication with your partner: Talk about your feelings together. Keep in mind that men and women cope with stress in different ways. Men tend to hold things inside and women are more likely to express their sadness. Neither way is wrong, just different.
• Don’t allow infertility to be the only focus in your life: Make sure you fill your life and your relationship with other things. If it seems like infertility is all you talk about together, set a specified time each day for the topic, and use the rest of the day to talk about other things. 
• Try to keep sex fun: As mentioned above, sex can quickly become like a chore, than a fun way to express love for each other. Try to keep things loving and exciting. Light candles, play music, watch movies, whatever makes you both feel good.
• Consider professional help: Many couples find that professional individual or couples counseling can help them cope with the emotional stress of infertility. If you find yourself feeling constantly sad or anxious, not sleeping well or oversleeping, feeling completely isolated, or having thoughts of death and dying, then it is especially important that you talk to your doctor about your feelings and seek out some type of professional help. 

As stated earlier, I went through infertility treatment for both of my children. My close friend also went through treatments and has 2 daughters. There is hope and modern medicine is amazing. Faith and trust in God will also help when dealing with infertility. 

Until Next Time,

Lory Naugle, MS, NCC, DCC

Relationships are a central factor in all of our lives. They give life meaning and purpose. To be loved by another person is an essential need and want. Webster’s New World College Dictionary defines relationship in the following ways:

1. The quality or state of being related; connection

2. Connection by blood, marriage, etc; kinship

3. A particular instance of being related

4. A continued attachment or association between person, firms, etc.; specifically one between lovers.

For the purpose of this post, I am going to focus on the last definition. A continued attachment or association between person, firms, etc. Yes, relationships are an essential part of our lives. During your teen years and early 20′s you will have relationships with a lot of people. They will include friendships as well as dating relationships. A healthy relationship features mutual respect, trust, honesty, equality, good communication, and they make us feel good about ourselves. In a healthy relationship each partner helps the other to become “the best they can be”. They don’t try to change, fix or control the other. There is mutual respect on all fronts and a balance of oneness (closeness) and separation from each other. Above all else personal growth, change and exploration is encouraged. A healthy relationship involves give and take at all times. Many teens and young adults may find themselves in healthy relationships and continue to make plans for their future together. That is awesome. I have been married for 26 years to my husband. It has been quite a journey.

So what are some of the factors to distinguish between a healthy and unhealthy relationship? A real easy measurement is that in an unhealthy relationship you feel the exact opposite of how you feel in a healthy relationship. There is not mutual trust, respect, or open communication. There is not “room to grow” or the person wants to try to change you into something you are not. If you are experiencing any type of abuse or violence such as verbal, physical, emotional or sexual that is an unhealthy relationship! This can involve both people being violent or abusive towards each other or can involve only one person doing this to the other. Many times a relationship is not abusive in the beginning but over time abusive behavior might show. Usually the abuser will have an excuse and swear that it will never happen again. The abuse usually continues to happen despite promises and can intensify in both the abuse itself and it’s frequency. 

Common warning signs of an Abusive or Unhealthy Relationship (RED FLAGS) include:

* becomes jealous or possessive of you- gets angry when you talk or hang out with other friends or people of the opposite sex

* bosses you around, makes all the decisions, tells you what to do.

* tells you what to wear, who to talk to , where you can go

*is violent to other people, gets in fights a lot, loses his/her temper a lot.

*pressures you to have sex or to do something sexual that you don’t want to do.

*blames you for his or her problems, tells you that it is your fault that he or she hurt you.

*insults you or tries to embarrass you in front of other people

*has physically hurt you

*make you feel scared of their reactions to things.

*calls or texts all the time and wants to always know where you are going and who you are with.

If you have experienced any of these signs in your dating relationship please heed this advice. YOU NEED TO END THE RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS PERSON! Talk to a trusted adult such as: a parent, teacher, doctor, nurse, close friends,pastor, or professional counselor about the reality of the relationship. Have a strong support system in place. If the first person you talk to does not take your situation seriously, keep trying until you find someone who will listen to you. 

Unhealthy relationship are toxic. They will continue to get worse over time. Even though the person promises to change, statistics show that most don’t. Please read again the characteristics of a healthy relationship. You deserve the best. 

Until Next Time,

Lory

     Emergency services are a vital part of any community. Some communities have paid personnel for fire and ambulance protection but for most smaller towns (like Shippensburg, PA) most work other “paid” jobs and volunteer their time for those in need. The amount of time they commit to their companies is huge. Not only are they there for the communities time of need (emergencies) they are constantly involved in training exercises, and fundraising to raise the necessary funds to continue to do what they do. These men and women in our communities are Extraordinary! When asked why they do what they do some will state, ” Its just in my blood to help others” or ” I can’t imagine not volunteering and running calls, I like helping others in their time of need”. Credit needs to be given to these saints as well as the younger people in our communities that are becoming involved in these volunteer organizations. 

     I had the privilege this week to give a presentation to my local EMS (Emergency Medical Services) on dealing with stress within the emergency services profession. Not only do these saints deal with everyday stress like everyone else they are also subject to additional stressors and triggers, if you will, in responding to calls on a daily basis. They unlike most in the community are witness to life’s tragedies firsthand. Sometimes they are the last person to interact with a victim before they die, other times they are the one keeping the victim alive, and still others they are the ones that act quickly in life saving measures to enable the victim to live. 

     Working in this environment can and often does take it’s toll. 20 to 30 years ago, those who became upset over a “bad call” were told to deal with it, man-up, its part of the job-get used to it, etc. Many of those in the EMS services at that time tried those strategies and continued to wonder what was going on with them because they couldn’t just “deal with it”. Stress in the EMS service and all Emergencies services can be classified into three specific categories.

Critical Incident Stress: Occurs when you experience an unusual or extreme emotional reaction after exposure to an event that is overwhelming to you. This is subjective based on each individual’s life experience and belief system. What is overwhelming to one person may not be overwhelming to another person.

Delayed Stress:  In some cases stress reactions to an overwhelming event do not occur until days, weeks, months or even years later. The reactions are just as debilitating and impacting as a recent event. Delayed stress can occur when people go into shock after an event, refuse to acknowledge the impact of the event, or when exposure to an event is prolonged. This type of stress can also be referred to as PTSD.

Cumulative Stress: Is the most common and can be the most damaging. It occurs when a person’s normal coping mechanism are continuously overwhelmed. It can also occur when you don’t build in daily self care activities that are regenerative and stress reducing. Cumulative stress reactions are very debilitating. People begin to believe that frequent headaches, acid stomach, irritability, poor concentration, are normal. This produces further stress which can lead to serious physical and emotional illnesses. 

All three of the above mentioned types of stress can manifest themselves into a clinical mental health diagnosis. Becoming aware of the signs of stress (emotionally, cognitively, and behaviorally) can help in identifying the triggers and reduce recovery time. It is important to note that after developing any of these types of symptoms, it can be especially helpful to talk to a professional counselor. 

Emotional Stress will appear in the following ways: Denial, Fear, Depression, Grief, Anger, Worry, Uncertainty, Hopelessness, Helplessness, Feeling lost, Wishing to Hide, Anxiety, Panic, and Inappropriate Emotions.

Cognitive Signs and Symptoms: Difficulty Making Decisions, Confusion, Difficulty Naming Familiar Items, Poor Concentration, Blaming Others, Memory Problems, and Replaying Events Over and Over. 

Behavioral Signs of Stress: Withdrawal, Suspiciousness, Excessive Humor or Silence, Increased Smoking, Alcohol or Food, Change in Activity Level, Angry Outbursts, and Crying Spells. 

Stress management skills make it easier for your body, mind and emotions to return to normal more quickly after a stressful event. Stress management skills include: Developing a balanced lifestyle, Daily relaxation routines, Developing a Positive Mental Attitude, Balancing life’s activities so not to become stressed, and working for a lifestyle of Peak Performance.

     Being an emergency responder is rewarding work, but as with most stressful professions or volunteer services the demands can lead to abnormal levels of stress. Thank you for your services. Please don’t be afraid to ask for additional professional help if you can identify with many of the symptoms listed above. Some companies have funds set aside to help with the costs of mental health counseling for support. 

Until Next Time,

Lory